About Us

English - الْعَرَبيّة - български - Nederlands - Suomi - Deutsch - עִבְרִית - 한국어 - Norsk - Português - Svenska

Loiter was founded by two ex-cons, a couple Hebrews (non-practicing), three ladies of easily-swayed morals, four fried chickens and a coke. Basically the concept was this: First one to pass out loses, last one standing takes all - a heart-attack is automatic disqualification, plus you lose your stash and pay for your own damn ambulance ride to the hospital. That's how it all started until my Mom came home wasted one night, started a brawl by dropping a haymaker on our buddy Jim, all hell broke loose and we got evicted. So, with nothing to do, we started selling effed-up apparel to minorities, manual laborers and underage drinkers and, lo and behold, Loiter Apparel and Accessories was born.

Loiter is a collection of completely custom-manufactured, top-shelf quality items designed by artists, generally-talented-individuals, scandalous villains, shady Spaniards and busty Bavarian women all over the world. We continually add new products to our catalog as well as new categories so if you do not see something you can't live without, you will soon.

While we indeed started out from the most humble of beginnings, we currently sell our products to retail customers, boutiques and retailers all over God's green earth. The site you see before you is the end result of years of teamwork, development of just about the most complicated and pain-in-the-ass supply chain one could imagine, countless hours of toil, long years of drug abuse, a few stints behind bars, the occasional fistfight and somewhere along the way one of us finally got laid (I'm not saying who because I don't want to make Jim nervous, as, according the lady in question, it didn't go all that well).

Our manufacturing and central shipping facility is based out of the great state of Colorado and run entirely by midgets with stubby little fingers who we paint a different color every day of the week when they show up for work at 3 am so that we all know what day it is. The colors are as follows:

Monday: Green
Tuesday: Blue
Wednesday Yellow
Thursday: Hot Pink
Friday: Purple
Saturday: "Pick your own color day"
Sunday: Low-gloss black with a big white stripe up the back.

Although we are an Equal Opportunity Employer, we don't hire anybody with all their teeth, who can read, or who stands over 4'5" tall to allow us to further our fantasy of running a child-labor sweat shop. We keep the heat set at about 90°, except in the winter, when we shut if off all together. Should you, by accident, happen to receive one of our midgets with your order, then you probably ordered on a Friday when it's company policy to show up under the influence of whiskey or some kind of highly addictive and dangerous substance. We kindly request you send him/her back...and tell them they forgot to clock-out. Little bastards...

Welcome to Loiter. Any time you spend here is "...time well wasted." We seek out and mug those who wear Will Ferrell quotes on their shirt, we fucking hate cowbells and no, we didn't teach your damn girlfriend that "thing" you like.

Note: If anybody - anywhere - ever refers to us as "...another t-shirt company..." we will fly them to our main hub in Colorado on the condition that they fight all of us - including the midgets.

I have to stop writing now. The cops just showed up. Shit...here we go again...